The Trouble With Being Perfect
by KirbeeDesirae
Summary: Finished I am James Potter and I am perfect. This is my story and my struggle to win Lily Evans, despite my perfection. Based on information from OotP.
1. The Perfection of James Potter

**_The Trouble With Being Perfect_**

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**_Ne_****_ Plus Ultra_-The perfection or the most perfect state to which a thing can be brought.**

To all my admirers, the people who flock to my Quidditch games, ones I will undoubtedly win, I am above mere ground-mortals.  I have that special spark that helps me breeze across the pitch.

To my teachers, I'm the best student they could ask for…aside for that small, _small_ preference for, shall we say, troublemaking?  

To the groundskeeper, Appolyion Pringle, I am the most frequent detention server.

To my parents, I am the ideal son.  I carry on the honorable Potter name and do so with dignity and pride.  I understand my role in wizarding society.  I nick my mum's fresh-baked desserts and she always knows it is me and I ask my dad if he has in any Quidditch tips…which he does…bad ones.

To my friends, The Marauders, I am the core member.  I never back down from mischief and I always have their backs.  I can cheer them up and give them hope.

To strangers, I am a rather dashing young man with a quick smile and a 'hello'.

My name is James Potter and I am perfect.

…Or so I thought.

Ne Plus Ultra.  I believed that, perfection was my mantra until midways into my fifth year at Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry.  Everybody's actions around me led me to believe that, and I fell hook, line, and sinker.  I had no reason to believe that I wasn't.  I was supreme at my game, every last one of them.  I could prank without being caught.  I succeeded without trying.  And now I was trying my tender hand at the dating scene, and let me tell you, I was, to put it politely, doing damn well there.  I felt prepared for my Ordinary Wizarding Levels.  

And then I met Lily Evans.

My perfection went downhill from there.

She is the singly most frustrating specimen of the female population imaginable.  She _hates me.  I always thought I hated her, too, and then I realized exactly how _amazing_ she is.  She was a Prefect for Gryffindor, along with my buddy Remus Lupin, and she caught me, well, she caught me putting a perma-stick spell on the Slytherin portrait so they couldn't get into their common room.  As if that is a problem, snakes love sleeping on rocks, and the floor is _obviously_ made of rock.  Some people just don't see things the way I do, but Professor Dumbledore says I have a unique mind.  He decided that whenever I tried to introduce the idea of themed corridors to Hogwarts.  That didn't go over so well by a certain teacher, but you will meet that stick in the mud later.  _

Back to the point, I have _never heard a girl yell as loud as she did at that moment.  She told me off right good, and somewhere between assigning me detention and subtracting house points, I became infatuated._

You might ask how I could allow myself to admire someone such as her, I mean, she was hostile, surly at times, she hated me and always pointed that out, was disgustingly smart, an atrocious rule-follower, and pretty much as opposite as me as one girl could get.  She was perfect.

Apparently, the girl had a real penchant for authority.  I could tell she just _adored screaming at me.  Her eyes lit up, and Merlin, have I mentioned her eyes yet?  They were the exact same color as the clear glass jar filled up with pickled toads…the fresh ones, that is.  You could just stare and stare and stare in them and drown.  _

I think she nearly passed out from lack of oxygen she yelled so long.  Then she nearly made me go to the hospital wing when I mutely accepted whatever punishment she decided to give me, most likely the most vile imaginable. Sirius Black, my best pal, likes to point out I was most likely entranced by her beauty.  Or her heaving bosom.

I like to think I was entranced by her spirit, the sheer life in her. 

Anyway, that was the beginning of the beautiful relationship between Lily Evans and myself.

And yes, I know that deciding upon her as the object of my adoration was the single stupidest thing I could have ever thought of doing.  This comes from the person who bought their mother a Devil's Snare.  Man, was _that_ a mistake.  She nearly killed me, but she had to kill that demonic plant first, before it ate my dad.

After the recognition of my deep respect for Lily Evans, I asked Sirius what he thought.  He laughed.

I didn't ask Sirius what he thought for awhile after that.

So then, I began my pursuit of an endangered species.  It nearly killed me.

The first time I asked her to Hogsmeade she stared then walked off without saying anything.

The second time, she looked me over and said, "I could do better in Slytherin."  That stung.

I decided Hogsmeade was too big of a step for a first date, she was probably shy.  The third time I approached her, I asked her to watch the Hufflepuff/Ravenclaw Quiddith match with me.  She put the jelly-legs curse on me and left me wiggling in the charms corridor.  

I gave her a little time to cool off then went in for my fourth attempt:  she told me to quit stalking her.

The fifth time was by far the worst, though.  It was public humiliation, and for someone such as myself, that is unbearable.  The memory is clearly imprinted in my mind, it's under the title _Things NEVER to do Again as Long as You're Alive.  It was right after our Defense OWLs and Peter was being his usual thick self and was lamenting to us that he did terribly.  Me being me, thought I'd pick on my good friend Snivellus.  The introduction of him into this little drama demands an explanation._

Snivellus is our group's pet name for the world's grossest, meanest, most conniving excuse for humanity you could ever even DREAM of meeting.  He is all about purifying bloodlines and Dark Arts.  The second one would be enough to hate him, but the first brings on absolute revulsion.  No matter how awful I am, I have moral limits, but Severus Snape doesn't.  

Someone who harasses Hogwarts students because their parents aren't magical deserve to be played with a bit, in my opinion, and Sirius's too.  So that is exactly what we did.

After OWLs, basically the entire fifth year population is keyed up, my friends and me included.  Well, Peter was just worried, Remus was keyed, and Sirius and I were bored.  Seeking a form of distraction, I caught my Snitch that I had managed to sneak out of Madame Hooch's office.  Now that was a trick.  Anyway, Peter found that just the most fascinating thing ever, and honestly, it amused me to see him fall all over himself in awe of the great and wonderful me.  Sirius found it nauseating, and since it was Sirius, I stopped.  We were friends, and that's what friends were for.  Needing another form of entertainment, we watched the crowd for a bit.  And then we spotted Snape.  

I was rather sore at him from a previous incident where he poked fun of my obsession with my favorite Prefect, anyway, so boredom was added incentive.  It appeared that Remus wasn't going to stop me as he occasionally did, so I took the initiative.

Now, the story I tell is different from the one Sirius tells, which is _really_ different from the one Snivellus tells, which is distantly similar to the one Evans tells.  Damn it anyway.

See, what happened was that _he called _me_ a Mudblood-lover, which is really true, but it was not necessary to say it like that.  Nobody remembers that part of the story.  I did the only honorable thing; I was going to defend the honor of my true-love.  _

Evans and Snape both like to point out that Sirius came over there with me, but the both of us do try to fight fair.  We were certainly not going to double team one person; Sirius was just there to heckle him a bit.  

Well, a few curses and hexes later, Snape was getting his mouth washed out with a rather nifty little curse, and who walked over but Lily Evans.  God, she was gorgeous then, but she was _terrifying_.  I tried to put on my best front and act mature and cool, but that doesn't work out so well with her.  She asked me what he did to me.

Does trying to make my life hell count?

I tried to explain that, but she just didn't get it.  Lily called me _an arrogant, bullying toerag.  She was on his side!  UNBELIVABLE!_

She wanted me to stop, so I resorted to bribery.  I was desperate, I swear I couldn't help it.  I asked her out with me in return for immunity for Snape from me.

She happened to mention that the giant squid was more desirable.  _Ouch._

Then Snape _attacked me!  He made me bleed!  Precious drops of Potter blood falling to the ground.  So I did the only logical thing…hung him upside down in the air._

Lily almost smiled when she saw that, _VICTORY!_

She told me let him down, and since I had had a small success, I complied with her wishes.

And then Sirius Dumbass Black had to curse him, just when things were going so well.  I was torn between who to favor, the most amazing girl in the world or my best friend, and I chose the girl after a brief shot at backing Sirius up.  He's still mad about that.

Then Lily really got a shot in…she told Snivellus to wash his pants AND note she called him Snivellus.  I don't want you to get the wrong impression about her, though.  She is the most decent person imaginable; she didn't even say what everyone was thinking until he called her a Mudblood.  Now, had I been in a position to do so, namely that her boyfriend, I would have beaten the crap out of someone like Snape for saying that to her, but I wasn't, so I could only try to make him apologize.  

_That_ didn't make her happy either.  Is anyone surprised?  _Nothing makes that girl happy.  She is the most stubborn female ever created.  I can see why I used to hate her.  _

She started in on how I was arrogant and conceited and how I think I rule the school.  She said I make her sick, and then she walked away.

Now, I was faced with a daunting task:  I was completely mortified by what she had said, but I couldn't let everyone else know that.  Most people actually thought I was joking with this Lily thing.  So I went ahead with bothering Snivellus.  Sirius knew I was upset about my public humiliation with Lily, so he took over after I threatened to depants Snape; something nobody wanted to see.  Yuck, what _was_ I _thinking?_

After I left there, I went to the Quidditch pitch where I could think a bit.  It became apparent for the first time that if I was going to win over Lily Evans, I was going to have to do something different than my usual stunts.

*~*~*

A/N:  Well, that was fun.  I enjoyed that.  It's a nice break from the drama of WDBTN and The Ruse.  I'm not really sure how often I'll update this, so no promises that it'll be weekly like my others have been.  

Disclaimer:  I do not own Harry Potter or any related articles.  


	2. The Fascination of James Potter

**_Perfection is a trifle dull. It is not the least of life's ironies that this, which we all aim at, is better not quite achieved._ _- W. _Somerset___ Maugham_**

On the Lily-scene, I laid low for the rest of the year.  I was regrouping, recovering my losses, and forming new strategies.  I had decided things just weren't going to work out for us this year, so I had a bit of fun with my pals, the usual wreaking of havoc and such.  Since Remus was a Prefect, we got to do even more bad stuff.  You might think the opposite, but he is so scared we're going to suddenly decide he's unfit company, that he'll let us go to extremes before trying to rein us in.  He's really the most sensible of the four of us.

You see, Remus isn't like every student at Hogwarts, but then again, neither am I, but that doesn't make me a half-animal.  Well, maybe it does, but only in certain places.  I am James, hear me roar.  

Back on subject, my dear friend Remus Lupin is a werewolf.  That's right, I didn't stutter, werewolf.  He's the kindest of people imaginable, terribly smart, scarily cunning, but kind.  His entire life he has been rejected because of his condition, so when he came to Hogwarts, he was bowled over when I said I would be his friend.  How could I not?  He looked so lost and alone sitting in his compartment by himself, reading a book, his robes impeccably clean and starched, but showing wear.  When I first sat with him, Sirius dragging along looking obnoxious, he wouldn't talk to us, until I started telling him about something silly we had done, and he finally opened up.  Now, Remus goes out of his way to be friendly and outgoing to knock people away from his werewolf tracks.  

We were all a little worried at the time about Prefect Evans catching on to Remus's problem.  There are certain distinctive signs of a werewolf, even in human form.  His eyes have this hint of wolfishness that can sometimes be scary, and his index fingers are abnormally long.  Remus prowls around the tower late at night very often, he's an incurable insomniac, but so is half the population.  What we're really nervous about though is her connecting his monthly illnesses, but he's disgustingly healthy the rest of the time.  Lily actually kind of likes him, at least more than she does me, which makes us wonder how much notice she's taking.

Of course, the four of us as a team have things at stake if she makes the connection, not just Remus.  He has the most to lose, but we're animagis, and could notice our absences on the full moons.  I'm a stag, Sirius is a dog, and Peter a rat.  We run around with Remus on the nights he is forced to change.  We kind of keep him in line.  When we were younger, he used to hope he could find the wolf that bit him, but he gave up long ago.  I'm sorry for that, something died in Remus when that dream withered.  

He withdrew from some of the lightheartedness that we Marauders participated in, but he was still an invaluable ally, to me, at least.  I know Remus would do anything for me because I was his first friend.  The four of us stuck through thick and thin and rode the waves of our first five years at Hogwarts together without a rift between us.  Things started changing though.  We all went home for the summer, and in 1970's magical Britain, once you left Hogwarts, it wasn't guaranteed you would see the next sunrise.

*~*~*

Things went well for me, though, but I can't say the same thing for Sirius.  

He's always had problems with his family; they are singularly cruel.  They are the most arrogant, obnoxious, high-handed family imaginable.  They make the Malfoys look like half-bloods.  The Blacks are whole-heartedly against Muggle-born acceptance into Hogwarts, Pureblood marriages with anyone besides a Pureblood, and anything Muggle.  They really are ridiculous.  Sirius is the sort of person that rebels against anyone who tries to place limits on him, the Blacks being the first to do so.  He grinded his teeth and mentally and physically counted the hours until he got out of there each summer.  

So really, it was no surprise when he showed up the first day of vacation with two trunks and a pillow with a hopeful smile.  "Hey, Prongs, do you think I could stay with you guys for awhile?"

I said yes of course, and so did my parents.  Awhile turned into the entire summer, Sirius officially ran away from home.  He received notification of being disowned, and he didn't seem to care in the least, but I knew deep inside, he flinched.

Having Sirius live with me was bloody _awesome!  I'm an only child, and Sirius is closer to me than any sibling ever could have been.  It was amazingly convenient to have him here already, and not worry about letting his parents know he would be staying over.  We had a great time perfecting The Marauder's Map, planning pranks, and just doing our normal stuff.  I tried to come up with a solution for my Lily Situation as I was calling it, and everyone in the house knew my dilemma.  _

Sirius tried to give me suggestions and make plans.  My dad told me how he 'courted' Mum.  My mother even asked 'how things were going with my young lady'.

How bleeding humiliating.  

My pride was salved, though, when I was given my score for my OWLs.  I had received an Oustanding on all of them except for Divination, but who wanted to take that floozy class anyway?  I didn't really know what I wanted to do after Hogwarts, so I still had a wide-open path.  I had considered everything, subsequently crossing it off my list.  Mum wrote textbooks and Dad works the experimental charms department at the Ministry.  He is forever trying new things at home too.  Even Hubert the Horrid, our family ghost, tried to persuade him not to, but it was all in vain.  The point is, though, I had no idea what to do with my life.  All I really wanted was to finally snog Lily Evans.  I will die a happy boy as long as I achieve that goal  

Nothing of consequence really happened that summer, wait, hold that, we're talking about _me_…everything was of consequence.  We all know the world secretly revolves around me.

Let's just say that nothing unusual in my life happened, other than the formation of Project Lily.

Project Lily went something like this:  I would devote every spare minute into somehow making her fall madly in love with me.  I started owling her every morning, I sent Tituba, my own owl, off at four every morning so that she would arrive at Lily's window at approximately nine am. 

Lily Evans never owled me back.  Sirius ran his big mouth off in front of my parents, saying she was ignoring me, and my dad looked positively pityingly at me.  "Maybe Tituba got lost," he said with a smile.  Dad always smiled at my owl's name, he thinks I named her after something lewd, but she's really named after the black slave who started the Salem witch burnings.  I am an intellectual.

Okay, so nothing besides another rejection by Prefect Lily Evans made my summer out of the ordinary.  I really need to find out her middle name.

*~*~*  
  


My next traumatizing experience concerning the girl of my dreams happened on September first.  I had decided to wait for her at the barrier, to help her with her trunk and such.  My parents were standing a ways back wanting to see Lily, and Sirius was off to find Peter and Remus.  Even that went wrong.  For the golden boy of Hogwarts, I have a lot of bad luck.  I really do.  I practically want to cry when I remember this particular occasion, the witnessing of it by my parents making a bad situation humiliating.  

Lily walked through the barrier and she paused, looking around for her friends.  Seeing this, I hurried toward her, at the time forgetting what I had practiced saying, instead, I said, "Hi, Evans, how was your summer?"

She turned to look me up and down, leaning against her cart idly.  She saw the spot of egg yolk on my robes, I could tell it, her eyes just fastened on my left side of my stomach and then she sneered, "For someone who thinks themselves a god, you're not so up on cleanliness, are you?"

She made it sound like I didn't bathe!  "I just-."

"Why are you even talking to me?  I'm sure anything that your simple mind processed over the summer was in one of those thousands of letters."

Now that was unnecessarily cruel.  "I-."

"I hope you enjoy tormenting me, because I really find it unamusing, so one of us had better get a kick out of it."

"Torment?" I asked in a rather strangled voice, even to my own ears, and I nervously ran a hand through my hair.  She has that effect on me.  If possible, she looked even more disgusted.

"Grow up."

Lily Evans stalked off, apparently furious with me, and I had no idea what I had done wrong.  I turned to look at my parents, and I saw it all in their faces before they carefully schooled their expressions:  Lily Evans was way out of my league.  Even my parents thought it, and I am their little pride and joy, the light of their lives, their reason for existing.  I felt my face turn a bright red, even to my ears, but I still had my pride.  I refused to hang my head like Remus would have, or stuff my hands in my pockets like Sirius, or start stuttering like Peter.  I was James Potter and whether Prefect Evans recognized it or not, I was perfect.  I kicked my chin up a notch and looked at my parents squarely.  "I think she's a bit sore at me right now."

"I'm sure she'll come around after she's been subjected to a few weeks of that Potter charm," Dad said brightly.

Then Mum came and gave me a huge hug, "Nobody can resist my beautiful little boy."

Now _that_ was _entirely unnecessary.  _

Quite simply, nothing got better from there concerning Lily.  Every damn aspect of my perfect life was just _sparkling_ except for Lily.  And the very worst part was that I just couldn't let her go.  I saw her every single day, and every single day she just seemed to grow brighter and brighter until it hurt to look at her.  Lily was so different from everyone else at Hogwarts.  She seemed deeper, like everything here was a trivial matter and that there was something better waiting for her, and only she knew about it.  

From watching her that year, I learned a lot about Lily Evans.  I learned that she considered most of the school, myself included, shallow creatures who didn't know what was good for them.  I learned she didn't like most of the people at the school, and that she didn't really care a whole lot about what they thought.  But everyone just gravitated to Lily, even though she was terrible at times, because she seemed to scream of something beyond all of us.  

I watched as she drew more and more people into her small group of friends.  Sometimes she sat by herself, though, and wouldn't let anybody near her.  When that happened, I wondered if she was really as happy as she always seemed, or if it was all an act.

Then, her melancholy would fade as soon as it had come, and she would be her normal self again.  I liked watching her and listening to her.  She seldom grated on my nerves the way other girls do.  I absolutely abhor the way some of them think they're really cute, so they act like a complete _moron.  __Really!  Personally, I find a conversation with someone who doesn't _giggle_ when I blink rather attractive.  _

To me, Lily was everything perfect in the world.  To understand that, you have to realize that there's not a whole lot going right at the moment.  A wizard, Voldemort, is reputed to be the next Gindelwald, and everyone is running scared at the moment.  Nothing was done to leash him in the beginning, and he's rapidly running out of control.  He doesn't like Muggles or anything to do with them.  He and his little group, called Death Eaters, regularly kill and torture Muggle-borns.  That makes me scared for Lily, she's a Muggle-born, but you wouldn't know it.  Sometimes, those eleven years in the beginning completely foils their adaptation into the wizarding world, but not Lily.  She is like a fish in water here.  She's adept in my world, and I'm very glad.  I feel proud watching her even though I know I have nothing to do with her success.  She's at the top of all of her classes, smarter than most of the Purebloods.  

Definitely smarter than Sirius.  

He nearly got us all killed the end of that year.  I almost died without snogging Lily.  

As mentioned above, Remus is a werewolf and transforms on full moons, that's a given.  Sirius, our terribly insane friend, really lost his grip on humanity for a day or so, leading him to do something absolutely horrifying.  He led a Hogwarts student into Remus's lair.  On purpose.

Sirius is the best of people until his family is drawn into the situation.  The Blacks are a constant tender rib for my friend, and there is someone who absolutely loves to bring them into mention:  Severus Snape.

You didn't really think that lake scene would be the last of him, did you?

This time, though, nothing was my fault, and I actually think I rose a bit in Lily's eyes.  I progressed from the scum that clings to the scum on the bottom of your shoe to the original scum.  Thank God.

It was just a bit of rash retaliation on Sirius's part…retaliation for years of gibes and barbs from Snape and everyone in Slytherin.  He casually let it slip about the entrance to Remus's transformation place, The Whomping Willow, and let the inborn desire of Snape's to see others miserable do the rest.  I caught him before he got in, though, and dragged him away.  That entire night was a mess.  Remus got out, and I had to help Sirius corral him again, and then I had to deal with Sirius, not to mention an unconscious Snape.  I didn't have my wand; I dropped it somewhere, so I had to drag him up to the castle.  Lily was in the entrance hall with a few friends when I opened the incredibly heavy door.  

She thought I had done it for a minute.  Needless to say, she yelled.  Somehow, I managed to explain that I had merely found him and brought him back, and I could see her eyes widening as she looked between me and Snivellus, as if to make sure that really was Severus Snape I was rescuing.  "I...Well…You'd better take him to the infirmary, don't you think, Potter?"

I'm buff, I'll be the first to admit, but there was no way in the ninth level of hell I could drag him up half a dozen flights of stairs.  Never be deceived, Snape is _solid_.  I had to ask for help.  God, did I hate that.  "Can I use your wand?  I don't have mine."

"Do you expect me to believe you saved him _without you wand?" _

I could see her ready to pick me apart.  I just _had_ to say it.  "I could tell you how I did it on a Hogsmeade day."  _Did I just say that?  Oh, shit, I did!  Holy, God, I really blew it again!_

"There is nothing you could tell me that I want to know that bad, believe me."  Lily levitated Snape and stormed off without another word to me.  Let's just say I wasn't surprised by this behavior, I was used to it by now, it was normal Lily stuff.

Somehow, that night worked itself out okay.  Sirius got in tremendous trouble, but he honestly deserved it, even I have to admit.  A lot of our pranking died that night when we realized how serious one of them had turned out.  It took several months, but Remus finally forgave Sirius.  Peter never was quite the same, though, he always looked at Sirius warily, as if he was never sure what he would do next.  As for Sirius, I could tell that he felt the full impact of his actions.  He had never looked quite as grave as when he apologized for the jeopardy he had put me in and asked if I hated him.  Of course I told him no, there's nothing that could make me hate any of the Marauders.  Snape was forced not to tell by Dumbledore.  If anyone else found out, Snape would be expelled, and that was all there was to that. 

Except for Lily.

I could see the questioning glances she had now and then, and I knew that her not knowing everything that had happened was like an acidic potion dripping on her nervous.  She was curious about me.  Okay, so not technically about _me, per say, but still, it was a start.  Through an entire year, one thing hadn't changed._

Lily Evans still fascinated me.

I still had to have her.


	3. The Accident of James Potter

The Trouble with Being Perfect  
  
There is a certain perfection in accident which we never consciously attain.- Henry David Thoreau  
  
I went home for my last summer before I was officially a fully-licensed wizard, and that was more than a little depressing. The next time I came home, I would be moving out into the real world, the big, scary one that didn't care a whole hell of a lot that I was perfect. You cannot imagine how terrifying that thought was. My dad called me into his library for a small discussion soon after my arrival.  
  
Now I call it his library because it really is. We have another room for normal books, but my dad has some scary ones that would belong in the restricted section at Hogwarts. When I was little, he had lock-charms on all of them so I can get into them, but when I turned thirteen he gave me permission to use them. I used one when we needed some help with our Animagus transformations, and a couple other for some not-so-legitimate activities we engaged in. I became very, very wary, though, when I opened and a hideous face started wailing at the top of its lungs. I occasionally still have nightmares about that thing. But about the discussion, it was one of those talks that started out adult-child and ended up being adult- adult. My parents were good about that; they treated me like an adult if I deserved it, which I did from time to time.  
  
Very calmly, my dad kicked back in his chair and asked me if I had put any thought into what I was going to do Post-Hogwarts.  
  
Well.I had to do some quick thinking. The time after my graduation had always been sort of an unrealistic dream that would never happen to me. I envisioned it as a series of dirty weekends with Lily where I would be served breakfast in bed and have my brains shagged out with regularity. Naturally I couldn't tell this to my father.  
  
In truth, I had thought up a legitimate idea, but I kept hoping a better idea would come along.  
  
"I.I have thought about it, but I haven't come up with anything very productive yet."  
  
"Well, frankly, your mother and I are worried. What we know of your interests is that they include Quidditch, fooling around, and Lily Evans. Only one of those you can make a career out of. James, I'm not doing this to bother you, but you have got to sort out your priorities. You should have been thinking things out in fifth year, not right now. Even the headmaster is concerned about you."  
  
This put me in a bad mood. "Is it entirely necessary for you to lecture me? And what does the headmaster care what I do?"  
  
"I imagine it would look rather poor for this year's Head Boy to be unemployed in the future."  
  
Dad told this to me with a smile, handing an envelope across the table. I'm sure I looked at him as if he were an utter idiot as I took it, and then opened it. The first line read: Dear Mr. Potter, it is my honor to inform you that the title of this year's Head Boy position has been assigned to you if you choose to accept it. "What the crap is this?"  
  
"This would be your letter informing you of your honorable title."  
  
"But, Dad, I wasn't a Prefect. I cannot be Head Boy, he screwed up."  
  
"Watch the language, son. Moving on, your badge is inside there, you just need to send a letter with your confirmation and you will be told who your Head Girl is."  
  
"No need to ask. It'll be Lily."  
  
Oh my God, oh my God, oh my God! This was a sign. We were meant to be together, and this would be our prime chance. All of those meetings to attend together, all the decisions to be made. All the late night patrols alone together. YES! By now I know I was grinning like a madman and I couldn't care in the least. I wanted to roll around on the floor in my raw elation. I should send her congratulatory flowers, and maybe she would return the sentiment. I bet her stationary (girls like Lily always have stationary) was scented with her perfume. I could smell Lily anytime I wanted to! I think my dad could tell that my mind had severely drifted away from the intended path, so he cleared his throat.  
  
"James, we need to move on. You're digressing.again. There was another letter asking me if I knew of your intended career plans, and he suggested a few he thought you might like. Basically, James, you are out of time to decide, you have to enroll in your NEWTs classes for your specialty."  
  
"I-I have to decide.now? About my life?" I croaked. This was a bad situation.  
  
"Yes, kiddo. About your life. Tell me you have thought of something that interest you." I could hear the exasperation in my dad's voice. No more fooling around. I began to wonder what Lily was planning on doing, she would be good at a million things. Dad cleared his throat again. "Stay with me."  
  
I proceeded to name the things that I considered but had decided I wouldn't like: Auror, Healer, Cook, Professor, Potions Tester, Potions Maker, Ministry Official, Writer, Researcher, Enforcer, Reporter, Shop Keeper, Industrialist, Dragon Keeper, Curse Breaker, Obliviator, Metal Charmer.the list went on.  
  
Dad sighed. "James, son, what does that leave?"  
  
"Well.uh, there's professional Quidditch." I trailed off, not really wanting to say what I thought sounded cool. He would hate it.  
  
"I know there's an 'and'."  
  
"Intelligence and Reconnaissance."  
  
I saw the look on his face. It was horror. "Are you serious? As in spying?"  
  
"It's silly, I know, I'm sure I'll think of something else."  
  
"No! If this is what you want, then go for it. I won't be the one crawling on my stomach to a foxhole in Indonesia, you will, so you decide."  
  
"It's what I want, Dad."  
  
I would later be asked why I wanted it, and the answer was simple. I wanted to do something great for the world, to be part of a bigger and better whole. I wanted the pride of saying I belonged to the Intelligence Department of the Ministry. I wanted Lily Evans, too, but that was beyond the point by now. Apparently my sire could tell where my thoughts were drifting toward, and he sighed as he leaned forward.  
  
"James, I'm worried about you for another entirely different reason. This.obsession you have with your young lady is becoming unhealthy. It's very normal for a boy such as you to fancy a girl, but-."  
  
"Dad, we are not having the sex talk again. I am drawing the line here." The first sex talk was enough to put all amorous thoughts out of me for quite awhile. Dad had a certain way of dampening wonderful things.  
  
"I am not about to have a repeat of that conversation. I was in question as to whether the Potter line would continue for awhile, and if some of the reports I have heard about you are correct, I have no need to fear anything. Unless, of course, you feel the need for a refresher course."  
  
"NO!"  
  
"Very well, then, I shall continue. I am worried that you are focusing too much on this girl who has very little interest in you. Why don't you try dating.wait while I rephrase that.why don't you try seriously dating some other girl."  
  
Okay, that's really rubbed me the wrong way. My morals and ethics and my devotion to Lily Evans were coming into question, all three being unnecessary. "I don't want to seriously date some other girl, I don't like them. I like Lily. I'm holding out for someone who can compete with my level of perfection. She might even be able to top me. Lily Evans is the best girl for me."  
  
"She doesn't talk to you in normal tones of speech. She yells at you."  
  
"I realize that, but she is succumbing to my charm. She'll be mine by Christmas. Maybe I'll bring her home to meet you."  
  
"I'm sure you will. Okay, providing she does decide to enter a relationship with you, what if it isn't up to your expectations. I think you're running on the thrill of the chase. I just don't want you to be disappointed."  
  
"I won't be. If I can get Evans then I'll have everything I want.except for that new Nimbus.ahem."  
  
"I know, I know. The brand new series that's like nothing else we've ever seen before. If you spend an extra sum of X Galleons, then you get the Nimbus Mark package which includes a ten year warranty and a black leather carrying case. We'll see."  
  
"I would appreciate that." I nodded happily.this had turned out rather well. Too bad things didn't go as successfully with Lily.  
  
"One more thing.I notice you call her by her surname. Don't you think she would warm up a bit if you acted a bit friendlier and a tad less annoying?"  
  
I was already halfway to the door, but I paused and gave him a disdainful look. Really, my dad knew nothing about girls-I don't even know how he managed to snag mom. "I know what I'm doing, okay? It's working."  
  
"I don't see her anywhere near here."  
  
"Because absence makes the heart grow fonder. I am giving it a rest for a bit and then she'll wonder what I'm up to. I'd wager she's over here before I leave for Hogwarts."  
  
"Okay, son."  
  
*~*~*  
  
Well, I have bad news: Lily Evans never even rang my doorbell.  
  
On the bright side, though, something very, very, very cool happened. No, Lily didn't owl to say that she was lovesick for me. Instead, Sirius got his very own flat. That's right, his own home. He turned seventeen while we were still at Hogwarts, and my parents helped him find someplace to live when he expressed his adamant desire to live on his own. My best friend had his own unsupervised flat!  
  
Actually, my parents checked up on him more that summer than they did my entire infancy, so you can see it wasn't going to be comprised of wild, drunken orgies. God, how my heart plummeted.  
  
However, we did get to plan our future escapades in relative privacy, but my Heaven, Sirius couldn't clean to save his life. I like to have things nice and orderly, but he had a week worth's of dirty dishes and laundry tossed all over the place. I always ended up cleaning things up while we were talking, him smirking at me all the while.  
  
Life was good, even if it was a little confusing.  
  
For the wizard, summer ends officially on September first when we board the Hogwarts Express, and did mine ever have one hell of a close.  
  
I stepped onto the wizarding side and drew up even with Lily Evans, my Head Girl. For the first time in five and a half years, she smiled at me. 


	4. The Power of James Potter

**Perfection irritates as well as it attracts, in fiction as in life.  –_Louis Auchincloss_**

****

****

Previously in The Trouble With Being Perfect:

_For the wizard, summer ends officially on September first when we board the Hogwarts Express, and did mine ever have one hell of a close.  
  
I stepped onto the wizarding side and drew up even with Lily Evans, my Head Girl. For the first time in five and a half years, she smiled at me._

**Chapter Four-The Power of James Potter**

Now I've been around the block a time or five, so I checked behind me to confirm the fluttering of my heart, and there was no one there.  I grinned widely in return and said the most intelligent thing I could think of.  "Ummmm, congratulations on being Head Girl."

"Thank you!  I hear you're Head Boy.  I am so relieved you've moved past your silly infatuation of me so that we can hopefully work together this year."

What made her think that?  Seriously, I had given her no indication my pursuits had ceased.  "Huh?"

"Frankly, I was terrified you were going to owl me every blessed day again this summer, but you've finally seen that we're just not meant to be together.  Do I know your new target?  I feel obligated to warn her."

I had been chewing gum at the time, and I felt it fall out of my mouth as my jaw dropped.  Lily sort of looked at me like I had really lost my wits.  "Uh, I don't have a _new_ target."

"You've really grown up, then?  I'm astounded.  Welcome to the world of young adults, Potter.  I'll see you on the train." Lily gathered up her book bag and she nodded at my parents and bounced off.  On the bright side, apparently she didn't hate me anymore.  I guess this was a positive situation.  I turned to look at my mum and dad, and they looked entirely shocked.

"She's very pretty," Dad observed.

As if I didn't know that already.  Honestly, what a dolt.

"And she doesn't know you genuinely like her.  This should prove to be an interesting year."

Isn't he helpful?  I grumbled my goodbyes, gave my mother an obligatory kiss on the cheek and loaded my things onto the train.  I checked in on Sirius and Peter, and then made my way up to the front of the train with Remus to meet in the Prefects' car.  By the time I was at the door, my palms were sweaty and my throat felt the same way it did when my voice was changing and I could never be sure when it would crack.  This was what Lily Evans did to me.  There was no telling what would happen when I finally got to _touch_ her, but then again, that didn't seem like it would be in the near future unless the train derailed or something and she suddenly got thrown against me.

_Dear God, please, please, _please_ let the train derail.  I will be good forever and I'll never lie again.  But don't let anyone get hurt._

I doubted God would grant my wish so I hustled inside just to feast my eyes on the delicacy of Lily Evans.  She is the sort of girl that is just fascinating to look at.  She doesn't have just a veneer of prettiness; instead, she seems to be faceted and ever-changing.  I love her eyes, they're a set color that it's clearly definable, not like my hazel ones, but they appear to see everything.  She saw me as soon as I walked in, and she raised her eyebrows and gave me this 'I still can't believe you're Head Boy' look and rolled her eyes.  I knew I would have to work hard to make her see I was a worthy accomplice, but I would do it with the end goal in mind.  There would be a day when Lily Evans would turn to me and look me in the eye and say 'James Potter, you are a god.'

"James Potter, are you planning on helping me with this meeting or would you rather just stand there like the idiot you are?"

Yeah, that was the Lily I knew.  

"I would love nothing more than help you conduct this meeting.  Do I get to stand next to you and everything?" I really couldn't help the sarcasm.  I would probably skinny dip in grindylow-infested waters if it meant I got to have a real chance with Lily, but all the same, she really vexed me sometimes.  Yes, I do know words like vexed.  Impressive aren't I?  

Lily gave me one of her 'go to hell' looks and turned her back on me.  I looked around the room briefly to see everyone giving me an amused look.  Stupid Snape in the corner looked like it was his freaking birthday.  Remus gave me a confidence-boosting smile that somehow made me remember that I needed to be at the front next to Lily.  I sped on up there and looked at the folder she was flipping through.  I guess I leaned to close because she looked at me and stepped away.  To tell the truth, I was mortified; there is nothing like public rejection by the girl everyone knows you like.  I'm sure my face turned red and I couldn't quite bring myself to look up.  

My God-given grace and innate charm soon took hold, though.  I went on through the meeting like nothing happened.  Or so I wished to believe.  Lily instructed the Prefects to patrol the train and assigned times for each house pair.  She breezed through a closing ceremony and I wanted to hate her.  

I couldn't, though.  

"You have a lot to catch up on, Potter.  The Head Boy normally has two years of Prefect experience to get them ready for this job, so quite frankly, I don't know what I'm going to do with you.    I'll try to give you the basics while we patrol, but you're going to have to do extra reading to get fully caught up."

She began stacking books in my arms, and I was left wonder why in the world I would need to do extra reading just to be Head Boy.  I saved that question for later and instead asked about the patrolling business.

"We help the Prefects out.  You and I are technically one step below the professors, Potter; we do what nobody else wants to do.  Read the books and you'll discover all the crap jobs that have been loaded on us since the first class at Hogwarts.  Service before self is our motto."

"Ummmm…do we go together?"

"Yes."

I could tell that the addition of 'unfortunately' was hanging in the air.

So I started patrolling the train with Prefect Lily Evans.  I spent four and a half hours walking alone with Lily Evans.  I was alone with Evans.  Thank you, God.

However, I didn't do a whole hell of a lot with my time alone with her.  I think I might be scared of her, to tell the truth.  She is a very intimidating person because she radiates perfection.  It's perfection greater than mine.  Maybe.  But anyway, she just glides down the main hallway of the train from car to car, chatting with people and making it entirely obvious that I'm not at all necessary.  I am a trophy Head Boy.  I mean, it's nice to know I appear to fit the part, but it's a bit degrading at the same time to realize she could do her job without me.  We sat in the car that had the toilets for a time; I suppose to monitor unruly students wanting to use the loo.  She told me some things I had to know, and the entire time I had to pretend to be coughing to repress my laughter.

As if I didn't know that we had to watch out for students trying to sneak out of school.  I discovered three ways by myself.

Lily narrowed her eyes when I had a rather suspicious cough.  "Would like a cough drop?"

"Huh?"

"I guess you wouldn't know; it's a Muggle thing.  They're for scratchy throats.  But you don't have a scratchy throat, do you?  You are laughing at me."

"No I'm not."  I was laughing as I told her that, really, this was too good.  

"I guess it's a little silly to be telling you what sort of mischief we have to be looking out for.  After all, we only need to turn to your dear friends The Marauders and your own twisted mind to discover the world possible situations."

"I could give you privy to all my top-secret schemes if you just went out on a date with me."  _Crap!  _Why did I say that?  Why?__

Lily stood up so quickly I think her knees popped.  She pointed at me and wrinkled her nose.  "I thought you had finally given up, but evidently I was wrong.  Can't you just drop it?  I don't want to go out with you!  I don't _like you.  Honestly, I'm hard-pressed to even tolerate your presence!  I blew up a porcelain figurine when I found up you were Head Boy without my wand.   I was __praying you were going to forget this nonsensical infatuation so that we could work together and make this a good year.  I see I'm wrong though; I'm disappointed."_

"Why do you hate me so much?"  There.  I asked the question that I've always wanted an answer to.

"You are the epitome of a thousand disagreeable qualities.  You are rude to people less than yourself, you are routinely cruel to those you don't like, you hold no respect for authority, you think you are better than everyone else breathing the same air you breath, you strut around school like you are the greatest wizard the world has every seen, you act like you're some sort of Quidditch superstar, you are smug and conceited, you are sarcastic and cynical when the mood strikes you, you make jokes about people behind their backs, you manipulate and play with people like we're all a set of puppets for your disposal, and most disgustingly of all, you are a first-class underachiever.  I have no tolerance for someone who doesn't even respect themselves enough to live up to half of their potential.  My God, I mean, you lounge around Hogwarts like you'll be there forever.  In the six years I have been your classmate, you have not emotionally matured past a nine year-old." Lily took a deep breath and continued, "I can't imagine why people fall all over you the way they do.  Maybe there's something I just don't see, or maybe you're only a complete arse when you're around me.  I don't know, and I really don't care enough to ponder the thought.  I only know that you have done a very good job of making several people's lives miserable, mine is included to some extent.  I will never let someone like you ruin my life, but you have done an excellent job of making me dread being within eyesight of you."

She stopped for a moment, and I thought she was done with me.  I wasn't that lucky, though.

"I cannot believe you were made Head Boy.  That makes you practically all-powerful.  The students have always let you get away with everything, and so has half the staff.  Now you can give detention and other punishment to those you don't like, and I find myself wondering how Hogwarts can survive this year with you.  In my mind it, I call it _The Year of the Powerful Idiot.  You know what, though?  On a wise move by the Hogwarts administration, I, Lily Evans, have been named Head Girl.  Luckily for me, I seem to be the only one immune you your charms, or lack of them, rather."_

I wanted to cry.  Okay, maybe not _cry_, but at least start kicking and screaming.  She honestly hated me. 

"I-I-I-I don't know what to say, Evans.  Obviously, excuses won't help my cause and as mentioned, you don't care.  But, uh, since you're in a tell-me-the-truth mood, why do you dread being within my eyesight?"

Lily stared at me in disbelief and her mouthed moved wordlessly for a few seconds.  "Are you honestly that dense?  You have teased me since we were eleven, but it has taken on an all-new, monstrous twist.  You have completely ruined my social life!  I can't keep a boyfriend because you're trotting around asking me out every other day.  How well do you think that works out?  You just keep teasing me and teasing me.  It's cruel, Potter, it really is.  Can't you move on to new prey?"

"I wasn't doing it to hurt your feelings."

"You could have fooled me."

"Well, I-."

"Just leave me alone, okay?  I don't want anything to do with you so just drop it."

Lily left, and once again, I didn't know what to do.  I finally comprehended that I had hurt her and that she didn't think my pursuits were serious or even amusing.  The girl that I desired above anything in my life thought I wanted to make her miserable.  Somehow, I was going to have to convince her I was very serious in my feelings for her.  Considering she thought I was the scum the clung to wads of chewing gum that had been ground into textured soles and left to harden, melt, and then re-harden, things were not looking very promising.

Besides the fact that Lily was obviously, er, upset with me, I was pretty down-faced myself.  Nobody had ever talked to me like that before.  She acted like I was Severus Snape, not James Potter, the ultimately perfect person.

*~*~*

A/N:  This chapter didn't exactly turn out the way I wanted it to, but I guess it's okay.  I think the next chapter will have the Marauders and probably a friend of Lily's.


	5. The Gamble of James Potter

**The Trouble With Being Perfect**

_Chapter Five – The Gamble of James Potter_
    
              WHO ponders National events shall find
    
              An awful balancing of loss and gain,
    
              Joy based on sorrow, good with ill combined,
    
              And proud deliverance issuing out of pain
    
              And direful throes; as if the All-ruling Mind,
    
              With whose perfection it consists to ordain
    
              Volcanic burst, earthquake, and hurricane,
    
              Dealt in like sort with feeble human kind
    
              By laws immutable. But woe for him
    
              Who thus deceived shall lend an eager hand              
    
              To social havoc. Is not Conscience ours,
    
              And Truth, whose eye guilt only can make dim;
    
              And Will, whose office, by divine command,
    
              Is to control and check disordered Powers?
    
    _William Wordsworth_

My Lily-Strategy changed a bit, and this time it was completely original.  This plan wasn't like any of my others.  I didn't send her flowers or candy; I didn't follow her around; I didn't even sit behind her in class.

I completely left her alone.

Sirius asked me if something had happened, so of course, I told him.  He told me she would come around eventually, and because Sirius said it, I believed him.  

I stopped following Lily, and I stopped searching for her in the corridors.  I quit trying to catch her eye at dinner or sitting near her in classes.  I didn't speak to her at Prefect meetings or our Head Student conferences.  

In that little corner of you that has the surprisingly strong hold, I wanted that to hurt her.  I wanted her to wonder why she no longer had my attention.  I wanted her to want me back.  

And then I found out that I was just hurting myself more.  At least before I saw her in the halls and I could have my fantasies, but even that was lost by ignoring her.  Face it, I can't ignore Lily Evans.  She is like that really nasty tropical worm that crawls under the skin, and it can be seen under the flesh.  It can't be removed except by cutting a small hole and slowly extracting it by wrapping it around a twig.  There wasn't a twig suitable for removing her.

But anyway, I kept up my ignoring-Lily act for quite some time; my guess would be about a month.  I had a grand time running around with my friends and doing some things I had neglected.  I had fun, but it was an empty sort of fun.  Sirius watched me a lot, and I think he was worried.  Even Peter noticed I was a bit off-set, and he isn't the most observant of souls.

Peeves really did a good job of embarrassing me.  He would follow me down the halls, saying, "Here's Potty, why isn't he following Evans?"  Sometimes it would be, "Did Evans finally give you a good kick out the door?"

On the other hand, Lily looked happy and vibrant and alive.  When I saw her, she was nearly always laughing and chatting with her friends, and that really, really stung.  I have a feeling I had the lost-puppy dog expression on my face because a couple times her eyes ran across me, they soon rolled skyward.

My isolation period ended one day when both Lily and I were late for class and I saw her hurrying in a few moments before me.  She seemed flustered all throughout that class, and when the period ended, she started cramming her rucksack full of books.  She always sat alone in Advanced Runes because none of her friends took the class, and Remus had left me when he saw who I was watching.  Since we were the only two people left in the classroom, it seemed only logical I help her with her things when her bag split.  She had got to the doorway when all the books, quills, and ink pots went tumbling to the floor.  Lily stood there, staring for a few seconds, as if she couldn't believe what happened.  I gathered her things, but she continued staring.  I had no clue as to what was happening, but I went along with the situation.  I knew she had Transfiguration next, the same as me, so I started walking with her things and mine, leaving her to follow.  I set her things on top of the desk she usually occupied in the second row, next to her friend Katie.  I knew she had a hard time with Transfiguration, so she sat close enough to get a good view of the board but not close enough to be noticed frequently by Professor McGonagall.  That worked well because I was easily McGonagall's favorite student.  She never said so in as many words, but I could see a small smile when she would call on my and ask me a question no other student could answer, and I shot out an answer flawlessly.

Back to the story, she sort of just folded into her seat.  I went on to my own desk by Sirius, and I saw him scribble onto a piece of parchment:  _Potter I ; Evans 0_.

"Not hardly," I muttered, dreaming of the day we each had several tallies.

When Transfiguration was over, I considered asking Lily if she was doing okay, but I saw her walking with Katie and a couple other girls (note the flocking again).  

"So, Lily dearest, do you want to tell us why James Potter was carrying your books?" Katie asked, looking rather red in the face.

Lily wasn't ruffled, though.  She replied in a now-familiar tone, "My bag split; he picked up all my stuff."

"I don't see why you just don't admit you miss him following you."

"Probably because I don't, and if that isn't a good enough reason, he is right behind us."

There was instant silence.  Wasn't she great?

I still wanted to know what was wrong with her, though.  


	6. The Truculence of James Potter

**_The Trouble With Being Perfect_**

**_Chapter Six-The Gamble of James Potter_**

I still wanted to know what was wrong with her, though.  The only problem was I wouldn't be seeing her until our Head Students' conference the next Thursday.

Through my skills of honed and precise patience, I continued ignoring her until our biweekly conference in the library.  I made sure she had to wait long enough she would give up and sit down so I could come in and catch her unaware.

"Hello, Evans, how are you today?  You look absolutely marvelous.  That Gryffindor red does marvels for your complexion."

"Stow it, Potter," she said without even turning around.

"You sound unusually pleasant.  Do you save that good humor all day long just for me?"

"Only in your wildest fantasies."

"Said fantasies don't involve much talking," I whispered as I sat down and leaned unnecessarily close.  I knew this would make her mad enough to wring my neck, but what a way to go.  "So, why were you upset the other day?"

As predicted, she looked ready to start beating me with her repaired rucksack.  "Go to hell."

"Such charming words fall from your lips.  Why won't you tell me?"

"Probably because you are you."

"No kidding?"

"None at all."

"Why because I'm me?"

"Because I will start crying, that's why.  I will cut out my tear ducts before I'll cry in front of you?"

"Why such extreme measures?"

"What's with the questions?  I thought you were finally going to leave me alone."

"Psychological games.  You're an interesting study."

"And you are terrifying.  You seriously need to cool it a bit before you really scare me."

"I can do that…if you tell me why you wouldn't cry in front of me.  Unlike Remus, I don't sprint from the room when tears are involved."

"You've made your fair share of people cry; I imagine you're immune to it."

"What's that supposed to mean?"

"It means you are a caustic, truculent person, Potter."  Her voice rose up a notch, and I could tell I was seriously in for it.  Again.  "It _means you love to get any sort of leverage over a person and use it again and again.  You have made a career of kicking people when they're down.  You find out something about them, and you'll save it for a long time, until it can hurt them the most.  You won't do that to me."_

"Of course I wouldn't.  I happen to-."

"You happen to have some sort of…of…infatuation!  Let's play the what if game here.  On the day pigs fly and crows swim, I go out with you and we have some sort of relationship.  Things will be just _wonderful until I do something to make you mad.  I'll break your favorite Quidditch trophy or lose your best shirt, and you'll be furious.  Instead of yelling like a normal person would, you will dredge up my old memories and use them to hurt me as badly as I can be hurt.  I will not allow that to happen."_

"Why do you think that?"

"_Why wouldn't I think that?_  I have known you for seven years, and I have watched you evolve from a mean-spirited little boy to a calculating and unpitying young man.  Why would I want to be in a relationship with you?  For seven years, I have watched you tear apart people.  You have hurt so many people.  You have made people cry.  You have ruined some of these people's lives here at Hogwarts.  These are supposed to be the best years of our lives.  Do you think these are Snape's best years?  God, I hope not, because you have made him miserable.  What about me?  I can't have a normal life because I have to wonder what outrageous thing you'll do next.  You made Bertha Jorkins cry just last week when you told her that her snoopy ways will get her abandoned and unconscious in a forest somewhere!"

"That's the truth!  Am I not allowed to tell the truth?  My God, she was going through our locker room!"

"I don't care!"

"If you're such a nice and sweet person, why are you chewing me out like there's no tomorrow?"

"Because someone has to stop you, and I'm the only person not scared of you.  You can't give me detention or take away points because I'm Head Girl.  Everyone knows you're crazy for me, so I would hope you aren't going to verbally tear me apart.  God help you if you try it, because you haven't even heard half of what I would like to say to you."

"Is that a threat?" I asked in what I hoped was a cool voice.  Once again, she had cut me down.

"None at all, I'm simply giving you the consequences for your possible actions."

"Very well then, I'll keep that in mind.  Since the last two times we've met you've done your best to degrade me, is there anything you do like about me?"

"Actually, yes, there is.  I've considered this before, you know.  You are smart, but you use it for the wrong things.  You don't even do your homework; however, I can tell you are smart.  Everyone knows it.  And you are good to your friends.  You can be completely lousy to everyone else, but you treat them well.  If you can do that, there has to be a portion of you that knows how to be decent."

"You would be surprised."

"Only if it included everyone."

"If I was nice to everyone, would I be redeemed in your opinion?"

"I would reevaluate my opinion of you, not necessarily reconfigure it."

"Set your term and I'll do it."

Oh no, what had I just gotten myself into?  I couldn't believe what I said even as the words popped from my mouth.  Oh well, she called me truculent and caustic.  Who in the hell said truculent, anyway?

"Excuse me?"  Lily looked equally shocked.

"Let's have a wager.  You can set the terms."

"I am not wagering with you."

"Why not?  You at least have to admit I don't lie or break my promises.  I'm a generally honest person."

"Until it suits you to be dishonest."

"True, but I usually wait until I'm desperate for that."

"Okay.  We can make a bet.  I'm really going out on the limb on this, though.  You have to be nice to everyone for two solid weeks, we'll start on Sunday.  If you do manage this, I will reevaluate my opinion of you.  If you don't do it, you have to leave me alone forever."

"That's not good enough.  I get two hours in the Hogsmeade restaurant of your choice with you if I am nice."

"Forty-five minutes is all I'm willing to give."

"Odd, I'm only willing to concede to two hours."

"Then I guess the bet is off."

"I guess so.  You'll find a wonderful love note waiting for you in the morning.  An obnoxious display of flowers would be appropriate for breakfast, I think.  And I believe I would like to accompany to you to all of your classes."

I was prepared to do this, and she could see it."

"Fine.  Whatever.  You'll get two hours."

"Then we have a deal."

"I'll draw up the terms of agreement and give them to you tomorrow.  I'll want a signature."

"That will be fine."

She glared at me before flinging her reports in my direction and snatching mine.

"You'll never make it."

"But I do have wonderful incentive."

Lily stalked out of the library, and I knew she had a swarm of killer bees in her bonnet.  She would probably get as far as the stairs before the impact of what she did sunk in.  

I stood out in front of the library door and waited. In about three minutes, I heard a loud, high-pitched scream from the one and only Lily Evans.

I believe I just became that tropical worm under her skin.

*~*~*

A/N:  You may wonder at two short chapters in a row.  They're supposed to be one chapter, but I didn't save it correctly, and I lost this part right here.  I didn't realize it until today when I came to check for reviews and reread it.  


	7. The Kindness of James Potter

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**_Perfection is finally attained not when there is no longer anything to add but when there is no longer anything to take away, when a body has been stripped down to its nakedness._**

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**_Antoine de Saint-Exupéry_**

**_The Trouble With Being Perfect_**

**_Chapter Seven-The Kindness of James Potter_**

_Day One-Being Perfectly Charming_

I am really good at being a wonderful young man that is polite to all.  I opened the door for Bertha Jorkins today; I'm hoping to make up for that forest comment.  I even chased Peeves away from some first years.  

This is going to be the easiest date I ever got.  I should have done this _years ago._

*~*~*

_Day Seven-Being Nice_

Do you know how hard it is to be nice?

I do.

It is really, really, really, beyond belief, indescribably, and insurmountably impossible!    You know all those imbeciles you have to talk to each day…the people who cannot seem to figure out normal life events?  And you know how you generally make snotty remarks or say they have the IQ of a giant toddler?  Well, I can't do that anymore.  I can't tell the people who ask to copy my homework what to do with themselves anymore.  I can't get back at the Slytherins for their nasty comments.  I can't even do anything to Snivellus.

I've lost all the good things in life.

Everything except Quidditch, and that is pretty much my only activity outside of classes right now.  As soon as four o'clock comes, I have to get out of the castle before I can make a rude comment.  Do I ever run.  

This always makes Sirius laugh.  He thinks the whole situation is funny, but he roots me on.  He'll even say the mean stuff for me some of the time.

Evans is, of course, furious that I've made it for a whole week.  She watches me as if I'll suddenly explode and start cursing at the teachers or something.

She'll be fit to be tied when next Sunday rolls around.

I have even more surprises for her.  I'll be really nice to her.

*~*~*

_Day Nine-Still Being Nice_

"Hi, Lily, can I help you with that?" I asked rather gallantly.

She got a strange look on her face, looking between me and her stack of textbooks.  "Why not?" she asked and shrugged.  I found a dozen books piled in my arms.  "Is the being nice thing working out for you?"

I gave her a withering glare, and she started laughing.  "I guess not!  It is funny to see you try, though."

"I think you just like to see me suffering."

"Perhaps that's true, but you do it so well."

"You think so?"

"Definitely."

"Are you flirting with you?

"I believe I am.  I like you a lot more when you're being nice."

"Unfortunately, it isn't possible to remain this way for the rest of my life.  I think it would pull a muscle or something."

"That's too bad."

"Where do you want to eat when we go to Hogsmeade?  The Hog's Head?"

"Oh?  Do I get to select the place?  How lovely!" Lily gushed and I became scared.  "I would love to get some tea at Madame Puddifoot's.  You know, it's that new shop that isn't directly on High Street."

"I know."  I knew all too well.  The place was loaded with what I could only describe as frilly crap.  Lace practically strangled you as you walked in.  "Uhh, that will be…wonderful."

"Won't it?" she asked, her eyes glinting dangerously.  I was worried.  By now the two of us had made it to the common room, and I relinquished her books quite readily.  

"Wanna put those away and then maybe go for a walk?"

"I would love to walk in the freezing cold with my one true love."  I heard snickers burst out from the people surrounding us, and I could only scowl.  She turned to look at them, and very deliberately turned back to me, saying, "I would actually go for a walk with you."

I raised my eyebrows, but the people around us started grasping their chests and collapsing onto the floor.  "Honestly?"

"Sure, why not?  You pretty much have to be nice for another week, so something amusing might happen.  Let me put these away." 

I won't delude my audience into believing she suddenly jumped me and snogged me with years of pent up passions; she didn't so much as hold my hand.  Then again, even I can see through my arrogance now and again to notice she doesn't care much for me.  I'm weakening her, though.  She doesn't know, or maybe she doesn't want to admit it, but one day, Lily Evans will be mine.

*~*~*

_Day Eleven-Dying a Painful Death_

Have I mentioned how hard being nice is?  

My God, I'm losing my bloody, adolescent-boy mind.  I would love to run through the halls screaming and cursing.  

The worst part is that everyone can see me cracking; I know they can, especially Lily.  She gives me these looks with a smirk, and she knows I'm dying.  

Snape isn't helping things either.  He knows I'm over the barrel.  He can say anything to me, but I can't say anything in return.  He loves this.

*~*~*

_Day Thirteen-Developing Nervous Habits to Replace My Genetically Inalterable Urge to Shred the Masses of Fools, Idiots, Dimwits, Morons, and Slytherins_

HELP ME!

*~*~*

_Day Fourteen-Thinking Lily Better Be One Hell of a Girl_

I made it.  I've sweated, thrown up, and nearly went mad in my quest to be kind for fourteen consecutive days, but by God, I did it.  

I am James Potter-A God.

Next Hogsmeade weekend…week after next, I get two hours with Lily Evans, Hogwarts Head Girl, at Harry's Diner.  

I have done something to please the gods.

*~*~*

Possibly the only thing harder than being nice is waiting for that date with Lily.  Of course, she says it isn't a date, but we both know better.

The whole school knows better; I am continually being asked where we're going and what we're going to do, and if we're an official couple.  Since she refuses to speak to me most of the time, I am assuming the last question can be answered with a no.

Sirius wrote my mother to say I finally got Lily to go out with me, and I considered killing him for that.  She wrote a mushy, utterly disgusting letter back saying her 'little boy is growing up and making a big hit with the girls'.  It was _so_ embarrassing; I torched that letter quickly.  

I'm not going to let anything get me down, though.  No matter what, I was successful in earning a date from Lily Evans, and it was before Christmas holidays!  Now I only needed to convince her she was wildly in love with me.  

*~*~*

Finally, the eve of the big date arrived.  I laid out the clothes I would wear the next day and put some special stuff on my hair when I went to bed that was supposed to make it lie flat.  I have the distinct impression Lily doesn't like it messy.  She is a strange girl sometimes.

Earlier, she had made plans for our date with me.  I need some sort of written record of it.  If I ever get a Pensieve, I'll put that in there for sure.  She came up and asked me what time I wanted to meet her.  

Meet HER for a DATE!  

Anyway, she didn't seem too thrilled.  One would almost think she didn't actually want to go with me.  Then again, girls love to play hard to get, don't they?  Fascinating creatures.

But tomorrow is the big day; Lily Evans will finally get to see the appealing side of me.  Two hours alone at a diner with her.  This ought to be good.

That night I only had nightmares.  The first involved me showing up without clothes on.  The second involved her shoving ice cream down my shirt in a manner that wasn't kinky…just cold.  And then the last one was the worst.  Lily morphed into Snape.  

When I awoke, I was drenched in sweat and terrified.  


	8. The Success of James Potter

The Trouble With Being Perfect  
  
Chapter Eight - The Success of James Potter  
  
Friendship is the perfection of love, and superior to love; it is love purified, exalted, proved by experience and a consent of minds. -Samuel Richardson  
  
Then the big day arrived, and I really didn't know what to do with myself. I felt like I was going to blow up.or throw up. My whole life had boiled down to that point, and all my thoughts and emotions were roiling around inside my head as if they were suddenly going to start pouring out my ears and very possibly my eyes.  
  
I couldn't sleep the night before, couldn't eat that morning, and was barely able to get myself dressed for the big day. I started shaking so badly Sirius had to tie my shoes before shooting a jet of water from his wand to thoroughly startle me. That really settled me back into my own skin. Until I started hoping I wouldn't screw up my big chance.  
  
That's what started me thinking about all I have gone through to get her. I have made a complete ass of myself on numerous occasions just to gain her attention. All this time I have done nothing productive. All my lovely little jokes and stunts in front of her had all been unsuccessful. Nothing had made her go out with me until I did something completely uncharacteristic.  
  
That said something to me, and it wasn't necessarily something I liked.  
  
I'm not what she's looking for, but she is everything I've ever wanted.  
  
She is everything anybody would want. She is nice and smart and pretty. And I have done nothing to deserve her. I have been rude and immature and mean and generally awful to her.  
  
No wonder she had refused to go out with me. Now that was a sobering thought.  
  
All at once my huge ego, my stacked arrogance, my layers of perfection cracked and crumbled and it hurt.  
  
A thousand doubts came rushing to me, and I nearly crawled back under my nice and toasty blankets. There was something to be said for a nap on a cold winter morning.  
  
My good pal Sirius quickly showed me the error in this.  
  
So basically, I wouldn't have gone on this date if Sirius hadn't been there to drag me through the preliminary steps. Don't be fooled though, Sirius didn't hold my hand through this. He cursed, prodded, and generally made a huge ass of himself in the process. If I would've had time, I very likely would've killed the idiot.  
  
In any case, he pushed me out of the dorm looking presentable, but that was all me. I am a naturally beautiful young man. Actually, I am naturally gorgeous. Once I'm old enough, I could definitely with the Witch Weekly Most Charming Smile Award.  
  
Even if I was scared, I was still looking forward to going out with Lily. Something about her just makes me want to smile. That's why I like her so much. I met her in the common room, and amidst a great amount of comments, we went outside and clamored into a carriage that would whisk us off to Hogsmeade and my big break.  
  
Any person who has ever been out with someone he or she really likes knows what happens next. Yes, that horrible, suffocating silence came, making me want to start babbling just to make it end. To make things even worse, Lily started laughing. I wanted to throw up. I felt like I couldn't breathe. Were the carriages supposed to be going this fast? We couldn't die on our first date! I hadn't even kissed her yet!  
  
"You've been asking me out for five years, but now that we're finally going to Hogsmeade together, you can't string two words together to say to me?"  
  
"I-uh." I wanted to cry. But then, I thought about what I was doing. This would be my only chance if I didn't straighten up. This was just like sitting next to her in Transfiguration. "I am overwhelmed by your incredible beauty and amazing wit."  
  
"You are so weird. Anyway, what are our plans for today?"  
  
"You mentioned you wanted to go to Madame Puddifoot's, so I figured we could eat an early lunch there. If you need to do any shopping, we could go do that. Then I was sort of thinking you might like to go ice skating. The pond on the south side of town is always frozen."  
  
"I've never been ice skating before."  
  
I contemplated lying in front of the carriage wheels. I was never more relieved than when she said that she would give it a try anyway. The only bump in the road was the whole Madame Puddifoot's thing. I had only been in there once before, and, well.it wasn't pretty.  
  
"Do you go to Madame Puddifoot's much," I asked as we walked down High Street.  
  
"Only on rainy days or when you're being particularly annoying. I've never seen you venture to this part of town before, so it was safe. I found someplace else to go, so it's safe to bring you here."  
  
"Oh really? Where?"  
  
"Only threats of a Dementor could drag it out of me."  
  
"Well, uh, here we are." I opened the door for her and tried to sneak in behind her, hoping the proprietress wouldn't recognize me. I was immediately engulfed with lace and all things pink. "This is, uh..pretty."  
  
Lily hid her face behind a menu, but I think she was laughing. I did the same as the portly Madame Puddifoot waddled her way to our table. "What will the two of you be having today?"  
  
Lily ordered first, and then I addressed her without lowering the menu. I felt Lily start to tug it from my hands, but I held on tight.  
  
"James, give her the menu so she can get our orders." I've heard that tone before. It's the one my mum uses when she thinks I'm acting up. Since it was Lily, I gave in and handed Madame Puddifoot the menu.  
  
"I'll be bringing your drink still in the can," she said sharply. "Mind you don't touch anything."  
  
"How can she remember one poor boy that accidentally broke a few glasses two years ago?"  
  
"My guess would be that she remembered the boy that broke 183 glasses when his charm for a Slytherin missed," Lily said, laughing at me. I suddenly had a nasty feeling of realization.  
  
"You remembered, and that's why chose to come here?"  
  
"Why of course! Look at the atmosphere.who would actually want to spend time here? You're at risk of eating lace with every bite. It was worth it, though, to see you hide behind the menu."  
  
"I'm glad you enjoyed it."  
  
"You have absolutely no idea, James."  
  
I smiled and she smiled in return. There was something in that moment that made it ours. To me, it seemed like everything around us was swirling and diving, but we were the center of it all. She was still laughing at my menu disguise, and I don't think I had ever longed for her more.  
  
"Let's get our food to go and eat at the pond. We can check out our competition," she suggested. I naturally agreed and we were soon on our way. The trip to the pond on the edge of town seemed to blur by while the blood in my ears roared. I must've been saying something amusing, because Lily smiled or laughed for most of the walk, and she did refrain from her awful comments.  
  
"You look terribly serious."  
  
I jumped at her sudden comment to me; it was right in the middle of her telling me about wanting to write for the Daily Prophet  
  
"I was just thinking I am having a great time."  
  
"You know what? I am too."  
  
*~*~*  
  
I became so wrapped up in everything we were doing that I didn't have time to carry on one of my inner reflections until we settled into a return carriage to Hogwarts. There's only one way that I have to describe the day.unmatchable. I've never had such a great time with anybody except Sirius, and that isn't really the same thing. Before, I might've been just a bit obsessed with Lily, but I've taken that up a step. That day with her made me feel happy and excited and amazed all at the same time. I was me only magnified. I have no idea what wrought the change in her. Maybe she saw me how I am without other people (Snivellus). Admittedly, I was incredibly charming and nice.  
  
"I'm supposed to meet Pat at the lake now that we're back. I, uh, I had a nice time today, Potter."  
  
"Me too," I said, wincing slightly as I spoke. My face was becoming a bit stiff after I slid halfway across the pond on it. Ouch. "Um, would you, er, want to, well-."  
  
"Yes, I would. If you sit by me tomorrow in Charms, I promise not to call you a moron."  
  
"I don't think I can resist an offer like that."  
  
"Good." Lily smiled so that her eyes started crinkling at the edges, and I knew she was laughing at me, but I couldn't care less. She tucked her hair back and walked away. I watched her and I knew that no matter what, I would be sitting next to her in Charms the next morning. 


	9. The Perfection of Life

_The Trouble With Being Perfect_

**_Chapter Eight – That's How Life Goes_**

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_No one ever approaches perfection except by stealth, and unknown to themselves.-Hazlitt_

Umm, well, uh, tomorrow was a Sunday, so that invitation didn't quite work out. However, I did sit next to her on Monday. I sat next to her in every Charms class except for one the rest of the year. I worked up class period by class period until we sat together in almost every class. Transfiguration was the exception because I will always have a loyalty to the Marauders, and let's face the facts; it's great to pull McGonagall's strings. Every class period since first year has started with, "You there, settle down in the back!" Why would I want to change that?

Our relationship progressed from there, but Lily rarely made the first move. I think she was always waiting to see what I would do, and more than a little expecting I would suddenly explode like a lunatic. I admit though, being with Lily has made me different. I hesitate to say it has made me a bit nicer, but it has. When I am with her, it just isn't worth it to torment a random Slytherin. It will always be worth it, though, to taunt Snape. I love tormenting Snape, but I don't think I'll ever get tired of that. It really is a shame I don't see so much of him as I used to.

All Snapes aside, I have a great time when I'm with her. She just makes everything better by bringing a sort of sparkle and glow to things. She laughs with and at me and treats me like we've been friends all of our lives. She told me once that she saw something that day to dim all the terrible things I've done. Can you imagine that? One day out of our entire lives changed what she thought of me enough to just cut me a little slack and just give me a chance. I don't understand what I did to make her change her mind, but I am sure glad I did it. 

For awhile, we were just friends. No matter how much I was near her, though, I just wanted more. I wanted more of her time, her attention, her thoughts, her everything. It was incredibly reassuring to realize that even when we became a couple, we were still great friends. We could do homework together without losing our minds or throw rocks in the lake and make it a game. Life with Lily is fun.

That is basically what it amounts to…fun. Everything was intensified when I was near her.

I had a lot to learn about Lily, despite my superior, er, _research_. She wasn't as social as I thought she was. I was incredibly shocked to find out she was more than happy to sit on the floor of the Gryffindor common room reading a book by herself or stare out the window. I'm a rather friendly person, so that was kind of hard to get used to, but at the same time, it was really, really nice. It was sort of a relief to be able to be near someone without going through the hassle of making a conversation when you actually want to think.

Lily's got the thinking thing down. Inside of her head there is apparently a whole little world where she can analyze every little detail and work out alternate scenarios and endings. Sometimes it's weird because I can see her thinking because it is obvious she isn't really with me. Her little anecdotes are priceless. When Sirius got stuck in the stairs, she commented it would have been funny if all the cats in the school would have started climbing on him. She always has something running through her mind, and a lot of times I sit and watch her think, just waiting to hear what she'll say next. Sad, isn't it?

Anybody could observe I was besotted with Lily from the start, but I could honestly say that I fell in love with her. I mean the real her, not the girl I was chasing around, but the one that I sat next to in class and sat in the old oak tree with. That was my Lily. I just knew it one day when I saw her sitting with a couple friends by the lake and I could say she was my girlfriend and I was extraordinarily proud of that. I lived to see her smile at me or have her hold my hand.

Yes, I know, all levels of pathetic.

But the thing is, she is it for me. My mum even likes her, what more could a good looking wizard such as me ask for? When I invited her home to meet them, they were shocked out of their bloody minds. They thought Sirius and I were planning a joke or something. So, they were speechless when they opened the door to a beautiful red-haired, green-eyed girl that went by the name of Lily. Mum squealed and looked around like she had lost grip on the world. Dad loved her. 

Honestly, if I would've had any intention of letting her go, he would have adopted her. He has a scary fascination with Muggles, and since she was Muggle-born, he pumped her full of questions. She also fixed a curlinron for him. Muggles have crazy things.

Mum was a bit skeptical at first, but then she saw that Lily was a good dresser. Mum has this awful prejudice that involves clothes. She apparently thinks that if a girl can't match a skirt and blouse she can't be decent.

There are some things I just won't ever understand about women.

Lily and I did reach a terrifying point in our relationship three years after Hogwarts. The world has been scary for a long time, so that was only a small influence.

She had been a journalist for The Evening Prophet and a columnist for Witch Weekly for the past two years. She is honestly good at writing; I'd say that weird little world in her head helps her out. She regularly had front page articles and she even did interviews and reports for the Wizarding Wireless Network. Her charisma could be turned on like a sink and people all across England could hear her the way I do…when she is just bursting with excitement and life. Most importantly, Lily loved her job. And then she got the chance to move to Russia. Our Ministry of Magic was forming some sort of huge alliance with Russia, and The Prophet wanted a reporter installed as a foreign correspondent. Of course, they wanted Lily.

It was a huge break for her career; I couldn't help but be happy for her. She would be writing articles for Witch Weekly, The Prophet, and WWN News. Hell, I would be thrilled if I was her. 

But I was scared for me. I wanted to scream and throw stuff, and I honestly felt out of control. I was at the point where the rage just boils and bubbles inside of you and you just shake with fury. Everything was great, but now my whole world could be blown to smithereens with one international Floo permit. If there was any way I could do it, I would quit the Ministry and move to Russia with her. Unfortunately, intelligence officials can't just switch countries. I was in a seriously bad spot. Even worse was that I didn't know exactly where I stood with her. We had flats on the same floor in Dover, but we didn't live together. I mentioned it once every six months, but she always had some sort of excuse not to. Her job kept her up at odd hours, she was messy, I was messy, Sirius would never leave us alone. She kept saying she loved me, but sometimes I wondered. 

And then for the first time, she made the first move in our relationship.

We went to see a play in London one night and we had some really great balcony seats, procured by a family friend. I can't ever understand those things, so I was wallowing in my despair, trying desperately to solve my Lily problem. There seemed no way to win. I wouldn't be allowed to leave my job, and any way I could persuade her into staying would lead to her eternal regret and my eternal feelings of shoe scum. 

Just as I was ready to ask Argentina to cry for me, Lily threw me for a first class loop. "James, would you marry me?"

I stared and simultaneously felt the room start spinning and blood start rushing in my ears. 

She propped her elbow on my arm rest and I suddenly felt ready to laugh. She was going to be the rest of my life. "I would love to marry you." 

We smiled, and of course, snogged until we were politely told to either take it outside or settle down. That was when a dejecting thought jumped into my head. "Whatever happened to Russia?"

"I was only going to take it if you said no. I want to be here with you." She took my hand, "Forever."

*~*~*

That's how I got Lily Evans to be mine. She is mine, you know. We got married and now we have Harry. Harry is mine too, and I'm not sure of which one I'm prouder to have. There's no doubt my little boy is going to grow up to be every bit as charming and handsome as me. After all, someone as perfect as me has to have a perfect baby, right? Besides that, he has the perfect mother, so the lucky boy is destined for uber-perfection.

What's the moral of this story? You are responsible for your own life. I was, and it turned out rather nicely. Some people believe in fate, but I definitely don't. Perhaps people are given goals, but no life is ever concretely planned. Just imagine being given a hand of cards and being told that this was what you've got and nothing else. No chance to draw, discard, or trade. Each person's life is their own, and it is their own responsibility to make it what they want. Everybody should set their sights on what they want and dedicate themselves to achieving it. 

That's what life is about…working to get what you want. Just think of it as a trip and getting there is half the fun because life is short and you have to enjoy every day you have. I worked for years to get Lily to like me, but I didn't stop living just because she told me to get lost. In a way, that makes it even better, because I can see how much happier I am with her. 

The most important thing, though, is be happy. Sometimes life is just a big pain in the arse, and your whole being screams to just throw in the towel and conform, but you can't do that. Life is about being happy and laughing and talking and thinking and crying. Tears and sadness are inevitable and they are little detours to your goal, but what matters is how fast you can get back up and on your way again. And when you get back on, you remember how it was to fall down and try to avoid it again, but don't let it dictate life from that point. Then you _finally _reach your goal, and you discover the work isn't over. You have to hang on and never let go. That's what I did, and that is just how life goes. Do you know how I know I am right about this?

I am James Potter, and I am perfect.

_Perfection itself is imperfection. -Horowitz_

**_The End_**

*~*~*

A/N: That's that. Thanks for reading; I hope everybody had a good time. That's about all I have to say. Abbia un giorno grande


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